The coast persistently seems just over the next hill but doesn't appear – the white noise grows more wearing and the hike turns to a slog. Along the trail I listen to the relentless roar of the wind and crashing waves coming off the ocean.
We hike through the forests of Cape Scott Park towards the sea. In the next dream I travel with my father to the northern tip of Vancouver Island. Faint songs blend into speech into rich hisses into warbling glissandi and squeaks and pops – engrossing noises that I imagine come from orbiting satellites, distant planets and other worlds. I spend nights slowly panning the tuning dial through the shimmering static noise of the radio spectrum, picking up the odd AM channel that somehow has made itself audible all the way out here where I am.
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It makes me claustrophobic – the dark edges of the forest encroach, the only thing keeping them from closing in is the light outside the front door washing the dark green trees, ferns and rocks with a creepy dim light.Īround this time, while I start to understand my fear of silence, I am given a portable radio. It’s the terrifying absence of background sounds that makes me aware of how far away from everything I am here. To fall asleep to anything other than silence is preferable – rain the best, howling wind reassuring, a violent storm just fine – it’s an emptiness broken sporadically by a creaking tree, a snapping branch and other terrifying small sounds that emanate from the encroaching forest. I’m a child living on a west coast Canadian island and the nights I hate most are the silent ones. I try to stem the rapid decay that dreams inherently suffer from: I stare into the sky blinking from light speckles of falling rain, my mind reeling from two dreams. I have no idea how I got there and only see grey clouds above and hear the waves and wind. It’s a rainy early morning and I’m laying on my back in the open on the sand, the hood of my jacket blinding my peripheral vision. When I saw John Chantler and Johs Lunds perform at Copenhagen’s Mayhem venue I had a vision: I awake suddenly to discover that I have been sleeping on a beach.
Music makes my mind drift uncontrollably.
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